So I just read in the news that a measly 3.8 earthquake “rocked” Orange County today. No big deal, but it did remind me of the fact that, one day, probably soon, the Big One’s gonna hit LA.

It’s totally inevitable; science says so. I feel like that knowledge is always at the back of our minds, like when you smoke a cigarette and you know that one day it might kill you, but who cares because that’s something future-you can worry about. But any day now, the San Andreas fault is gonna blow and this whole town is totally f’d in the a.

The movie “Escape From L.A.” is set in the future, after the Big One, and the writers of that movie predict that the quake will be so big that Los Angeles will break off from the mainland and become an island (and Jaws’s family is finally reunited at Universal Studios). While that might be a little bit of a stretch, I can tell you this much: traffic will be a nightmare.

When the Big One hit San Francisco in 1906, like literally one-hundred percent of the city burned down. I foresee the same thing happening in LA: when the 10, 110, and 405 collapse, everyone will be forced to take Pico and Highland, and none of the fire engines will be able to get to any of the fires! People will look out upon their city and think, what a waste, all that good schwag is going to burn up. So they’ll go out the the stores and take all the stuff, which police will confuse with looting. Then after a controversial police brutality youtube video hits the net, riots will start, which will cause more fires, more looting, and before you know it this dear city will be nothing but dust and ash.

And into that city, I will emerge. Clad in leather, I will step into the charred wasteland, and the city will be mine.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 23rd, 2009 at 6:43 pm and is filed under LA Rant, LA Rave. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.