A couple miles north of Sunset Blvd in the Palisades lies Paseo Miramar, a five-mile hike that gives you some of the most gobsmacking views of the Pacific Ocean you’ll ever witness.

But first, you must pay a price.

I’m not going to lie to you: the first two miles of this thing — a steep, winding, seemingly endless incline up the canyon, with each corner promising relief that never comes — are going to kick you in the face.  They are going to kick the faces of your friends, your pets, your distant family members, and your unborn children.  Add a ponytail to them and they’d be Steven Segal in Out For Justice. Your suffering is going to be legendary.

But then, after about 45 minutes, something magical happens: your body accepts its fate. And before you know it, the incline levels out, and you’re slaloming down through green tree-tunnels and past wetlands and up through fields of high, honey-colored grass. Finally, you hit the top and there’s a wooden bench waiting for you. You flop down and drink in the views of the rolling Palisades, the muted sprawl of the city, the toy-sized Santa Monica Ferris Wheel in the distance, and that sheet of blue rippling from the crescent edges of the continent.  It’s all yours.

Masochism: it has its upsides.

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WHAT: Hike in the Palisades
WHEN: Good all year round
WHERE: Trail starts at the top of Paseo Miramar Rd
$$$: Free

“Don’t do it. You’ll get eaten by coyotes.”  This is usually the response I get when I tell people I want to go night-hiking in Griffith Park.  “Nonsense,” I tell them, “I am a large, imposing adult male, not Jessica Simpson’s dog.  Besides, the coyote presence up there is seriously over-reported.”

The first thing I saw when I got there was a coyote.  Cold chillin’ in the parking lot by the merry-go-round. Humans — we only pretend we run this town.

Three times a week for the past few years, the Sierra Club has been leading after-dark hikes up into the mountains between Hollywood and Glendale.  A crowd of 60 or so adventurers gathers in the upper carousel parking lot, where individual groups form based on speed/trail difficulty (I chose a “3+” i.e. “medium” hike.) Then, lead by a central-casting Greek grandfather named Yanni, we were off, twenty silhouettes loping into the darkened hills.

Your eyes adjust to the gloom as you ascend a thin, winding trail, up through what Bob Dylan described as “haunted, frightened trees”, branches stripped by last year’s fires and looking like something from a Tim Burton movie in the moonlight.  You climb under giant fallen logs and bushwhack through overgrowth.  The sound of the freeway gives way to a chorus of chirping crickets and croaking frogs, and then silence — the soundtrack best suited to the spooky majesty of the landscape.  You crest a hill and the entire Los Angeles valley, from downtown to the ocean, opens up below like a massive, glowing cauldron.  “I feel like Batman right now,” you think to myself.  (Seriously, you think that.) Two hours and six miles later, you’re back in the city — sweaty, dusty-streaked and happy.

Don’t be fooled, dear humans; the coyotes know where it’s at.

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WHAT: Night Hike
WHEN: Tues, Wed, Thurs, starting at 6:45 PM
WHERE: Griffith Park — meet at the upper carousel parking lot
$$$: Free

Remember back in the 80’s, when no self-respecting action movie could come out without ninjas? We have reached that golden point again, my friends — only now instead of black-clad Asian stereotypes kicking Michael Dudikoff in his blow-dried head, we’ve got a French style of street acrobatics known as Parkour.  It involves sprinting, scrambling up walls, vaulting over obstacles, and generally looking like a complete bad-ass. (See CASINO ROYALE, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, the DISTRICT B-13 flicks… even the space-smurfs in AVATAR are doing it.)

Now if you, like me, are more of an “armchair bad-ass” and don’t want to risk breaking your spine while leaping over the bike-rack outside Taco Bell, The Los Angeles School of Gymnastics has the perfect thing for you: Thursday Night “Intro to Parkour” Classes — where a ridiculously skilled instructor will teach you basic rolls, vaults, and climbs, and the floor is made of nice, cushy padding for when you fall.  There is no size, skill, or experience level requirement (I’ve taken the class before, and was given nothing but warm encouragement and great coaching, despite most of my maneuvers looking like something from “Kung Fu Panda” before the panda learns kung-fu.)

You never know; this time next year, you could be making a dazzling escape down a set of scaffolding while taunting Bruce Willis. Register by emailing pkcali@gmail.com.

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WHAT: Parkour Lessons
WHEN: Every Thursday, 8:15 pm – 9:45 pm
WHERE: LA School of Gymnastics
$$$: $15 per class

So it’s been a while since the cell phone was invented.  Also, there have been a few upgrades since that 386 with a 40mb hard drive.  So maybe you have some old tech lying around.  Old tech that you’re thinking you kept for the sake of nostalgia.  Or perhaps one day you wanted to show your kids what a video game system was like when you still had to use your hands.  In any case, the lovely gurus at Engadget put together an extremely comprehensive list of where to recycle just about any tech you’ve got.

Check it out here.

And let us know if it actually works!

Tomorrow is the annual Stair Climb to the Top fundraiser for the downtown YMCA. This fundraiser involves climbing 75 stories to the top of the U.S. bank building- the tallest building west of the Mississippi. Imagine how amazing your ass would feel after this feat? About 1,500 runners are expected to show up and complete the stairmaster in roughly 9 minutes, but for us fatties it probably takes around 20. The fundraising minimum is a hefty $100, but think of how cool it is that people have access to a fit and happy lifestyle downtown, courtesy of the YMCA? Plus, you can see hot (presumably) policemen and firemen race separately in full gear. On-site registration begins at 2pm. If you can’t make it or are just really not into climbing stairs, or don’t have $100 which is completely understandable, come hang out at the corresponding Hope street fair with live music, food, retail vendors, and a live jumbotron featuring the race.

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WHAT: Stair Climb to the Top
WHEN: Friday, 2pm
WHERE: U.S. bank building
$$$: a donation of at least 100, or free for the street fair

Now I know a lot of people who smoke, but none who consider themselves “smokers”. Almost all of them are theoretically in the long, sometimes years-long process of quitting, or at least considering thinking about the possibility quitting sometime in the nebulous future. I’ve heard that smoking can be pretty bad for you and stuff, so maybe it’s time.

Well, Ralph’s is here to help! They’ve teamed up with the LA County Department of Public Health to do something really cool – give away free stuff. At 47 participating Ralph’s grocery stores throughout our fair city, any smoker can simply walk up to the pharmacy and leave with a free goodie-bag chock-full of normally expensive nicotine gum and patches to assist in the quitting process.

Alternatively, people looking to get addicted to nicotine but too scared to take the full on plunge into smoking, this is a good way to start!

UPDATE: If you go, go to the pharmacy before you start shopping, because it takes them half an hour to prepare it for you.

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WHAT: Free nicotine gum and patches
WHERE: Any participating Ralph’s with a pharmacy
WHEN: While supplies last (30,000 kits will be given out in all)
$$$: Free! With the potential to save you money when you, you know, stop buying so many cigarettes. And then $2 refills for a year!

So with the State of the Economy and blah blah blah, you’re probably crapping yourself with the post-graduate stresses of real life setting in.  Don’t worry.  Today’s deals are geared toward helping you relax and gain the skills and supplies to cope.

• First, clean yourself up with a free SCOTT Extra Soft Toilet Tissue Double Roll and a 10ct travel pack of SCOTT Moist Wipes by filling out this form.

• Then hone your fast twitch money muscles with a free copy of Practical Money Skills at Home CD-ROM and gain financial control in your life.

• Round out your work by reading for pleasure (or insight) by taking 20% off at Barnes & Noble by using coupon code “D3A7V3V” (excludes textbooks, perorder, and Rosetta Stone series) until June 22.  Also, if you sign up for the free Borders Rewards program, you can save 40% off one item at Borders with this coupon until June 21.

• With a sense of a accomplishment, TODAY ONLY, relax and kick back with either a free root beer float at your local-ish A&W Restaurant (until 8pm) or a free light smoothie from Orange Julius (must bring this coupon).

• Once you’ve cooled down, go run off the calories with a sweet pair of New Balance shoes at 70% off from 6pm.com because we know what white people BoredLA readers like.  Offer good today only.

If you are like most readers of this website you are a young, rich Eastsider pretending to be an impoverished Eastsider with an “old soul,” and at this moment you are probably simultaneously reading this blog, and listening to a podcast of the Animal Collective on NPR. Like anyone though after a long day of Facebooking and sending your resume out to both the Jim Henson Company and Pitchfork Magazine you, dear reader need to relax. You want a spa, but you don’t want the other jazzercisers at Sweaty Sundays to think you are some bourgeoisie poser. How are you supposed to get your fix of decadent papering without losing your hipster street cred? The answer is simple my friends: Pho Siam Thai Spa.

At Pho Siam one can receive a facial, a foot massage, a waxing, or my personal favorite (and truthfully the only one I have tried) the Thai massage, all at incredibly reasonable prices. A Thai massage is a delightfully different experience from other forms of massage, usually done by a tiny Thai woman who uses not only her hands to massage you, but also her forearms, elbows, knees and feet (often they walk on your back and legs), not only applying pressure, but also stretching you into various yoga-esc poses, and at $40/hr it is the best value in massage around! Every massage I have received from Pho Siam is like a stress relief snowflake, each unique, relaxing and refreshing in its own way; I have never received the same massage twice.

If you are like me you will want your masseuse to apply as much pressure and pulverize every muscle with the brutal force of a Hulkamanic practicing pile drivers. If you are like most humans you will want a gentler touch, just be sure to tell the masseuse how you like it and they will be sensitive to your needs. Remember that although Pho Siam does have some private massage rooms, most massages take place in a large room where each patron is separated by only (but tastefully) draped curtains, so be sure to turn your cell phone off, and refrain from talking so as not to disturb the other guests. They do accept walk-ins, but reservations are recommended

Pho Siam also makes a unique spot for a romantic evening out, and if you play your cards right you just might catch a glimpse your date with their top off.
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WHAT: Thai Massage
WHEN: 9:00 am to 10:30pm daily
WHERE: Pho Siam Thai Massage
$$$: $40 for an hour massage (cash only

May is apparently Bicycle Month. If you haven’t noticed yet, the freeways have been covered in light up signs saying “Bike To Work Day! Share The Road!” The first time I saw it I thought, “I didn’t know today was Bike to Work Day.” Then I saw it the next day and thought, “I guess they forgot to take it down”. It took me about four days to catch on. Anyway, this week is officially Bike to Work Week. So, if possible, get on your bike and peddle your way to work! Make sure to bring a change of clothes, it’s freaking hot out!
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WHAT: Bicycle Month
WHEN: All May!
WHERE: Everywhere
$$$: Free… just need a bicycle

LA might be a little dreary this weekend, so grab your sunscreen and your copy of the Feminine Mystique (outdated reference?) and drive up to the delightfully convenient Southern California Desert.  No no, Coachella is next weekend, THIS weekend is your chance to join an amazing movement of women at the First Annual Women’s Creative Collective Skill-Share.  Women’s Creative Collective for Change is a group of women, based in Los Angeles, who get together to work together for positive change for the future and positive change for the representation of narratives of the past.  The Skill-Share Retreat will feature yoga in the mornings, workshops throughout the day, hiking, meditation, creation, relaxation, and, of course, a drum circle or two.  Follow this link to sign up.  Women, men, and children are all welcome.  This is one of those events that you’ll always remember.  Make sure you check the website to sign up and make carpool arrangements.  Everyone wants to help everyone make this an unforgetable weekend!  If you want to get involved in another way, you can join WCCC’s writers workshop.
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WHAT: Womens Creative Collective Skill-Share Retreat
WHEN: Saturday and Sunday
WHERE: Sattleback Butte
$$$: free!

**Thanks for the heads up, Sam!  Info has been corrected**

As if last weekend’s Golden Dragon Parade wasn’t good enough, Chinatown is playing host to yet another awesome event this Saturday/Sunday.  The 31st Annual Chinatown Firecracker Run starts Sunday  at 8 AM sharp (or 8:30 if you’re doing the 10K instead of the 5k).  What a great, healthy way to ring in the Year of the Ox!  You can register on the day of the race.

If running isn’t your thing, don’t fret.  On Saturday, you can join in the Firecracker Fun Bike Ride, a 20 mile course where you don’t have to worry about dodging traffic at all (!!!).  It’s almost entirely flat and at the end of it, you get a t-shirt and a free carbo load meal.  You can register there day of as well.

And for those of you who are completely sedentary, you’re not out of luck, either.  There will be live entertainment and music both days.  So, you know, fun for all!

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WHAT: Chinatown Firecracker 5k/10k Run
WHEN: Saturday, February 7th  Bike @ 9:30, Sunday, February 8th Running @ 8 for the 5k and 8:30 for the 10k
WHERE: Chinatown Central Plaza
$$$: Race registration is $30, free entertainment for all

If you want to defend yourself on the mean streets of Los Angeles*, but prefer more traditional weapons, perhaps the Academy of Arms of Los Angeles has the answer.  Instructor Shay Roberts will teach you how to fight in the style of medieval knights, starting with instruction in German Longsword and moving on from there.  Sounds pretty badass to me.

The system seems pretty cool, as well.  You pay $40 to use the studio space and take the classes, and that covers everything for the month.  German Longsword classes are Thursday evenings and Saturday around lunchtime, they host free optional practices at Verdugo Park.

*I’m not a lawyer, but I think there probably might be some legal issues if you actually decided to carry a sword around L.A.  Just sayin’…

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WHAT: Medieval Sword Fighting Classes @ The Academy of Arms
WHEN: Thursdays 7:30-9:30 PM
WHERE: Van Nuys Studio, 14547 Erwin St, 91411
$$$: 40 for a month of classes

I think Roller Derby is pretty much as cool as it gets.  Even though we can’t all be Derby Girls (or boys), we can work out with them.  On Wednesday evenings, Janis Choplin of the L.A. Derby Dolls hosts an hour-long exercise class called Punk Rope that will get you sweating with the best of them.  Choplin’s a personal trainer by day, so she knows what she’s doing and I bet working out with the Derby Dolls will be way more fun than working out by yourself.  Plus, you get to do it at the Doll Factory.

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WHAT: Punk Rope with the L.A. Derby Dolls
WHEN: Wednesdays 6:10-7:10
WHERE: The Doll Factory, 1910 W. Temple Street
$$$: 10 per session

If you’re tired of the same old sports like baseball, basketball, football, with nothing new and exciting to offer then maybe its time to try out the classic game of dodgeball. LA is lucky enough to have its very own Dodgeball Society. Anyone can join the teams as long as you can prove you can handle that rubber ball flying at you at great speeds leaving burns and bruises all over your body. There are two leagues to check out, Stay Puft, which is more co-ed friendly and apparently won’t sting as much. Then there’s Bronson, or if you want the full name, The Charles Bronson Deathwish Dodgeball League. This is for the “hardcore” players, male or female, who can handle some intense play. No matter what league you go out for, the mentality of play is simply to have fun. They wear fun outfits, throw parties, throw balls at each other to ABBA and the Fraggle Rock theme song, and I’m sure reminisce about dodgeball play “back in the day”. There will be just a few more open gym nights before the season starts, so if you’re interested you might as well give it a shot! Here are the open gym sessions. Anyone is welcome, whether you are serious about joining the league or not!

Sundays from 1:30-4:30pm: First three hours are for Stay Puft with no-sting balls, last hour uses the classic rubber ball so prepare for some burning. $3 for the Stay Puft session, $5 if you want to take on the rubber ball.

Mondays from 8-10pm: Stay Puft open gym session for $5.

Wednesdays from 8-10pm: Bronson open gym sessions for $5

These go on for the next two weeks and then the season starts so get in while you can!

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WHAT: Dodgeball Society Open Gym Sessions
WHERE: The Hollywood Rec Center
WHEN: Sundays, Mondays, and Wednesdays until Feb. 9th
$$$: 3-5

Highland park bike shop, Flying Pigeon, hosts a community bike ride every Sunday morning through Chinatown. The motivation? Dim Sum, of course. Get there at 10am, burn some calories, and then gorge on glorious Chinese food. Best of all, if you don’t have a bike, they’ll let you borrow one for free. Awesome; I think I’ll make this a 2009 resolution.

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WHAT: Dim Sum bike ride
WHEN: Sundays, 10am
WHERE: 5711 N. Figueroa St.
$: free (except the dim sum)

Tomorrow Griffith Park’s councilmember Tom LaBonge hosts an afternoon New Year’s Eve hike. It will be an easy-going, 2 hour, 1.5 mile hike culminating at the summit of Mount Hollywood. LaBonge has said of the hike that “in Los Angeles we like to mark (new year’s eve) by hiking to one of the greatest vistas in Southern California.” Word. I can’t think of a better thing to do before drinking copious amounts of alcohol to ring in the new year.

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WHAT: End of ‘08 Hike
WHEN: 3:30 pm, Wed. Dec. 31st
WHERE: park at north end of Griffith observatory parking lot, or on West Observatory Road
$$$: gratis

Since the dawn of time, man has yearned to touch the skies with his meaty, unworthy hands. While it is technically “the future” and people can hang out with their intelligent robot companions, the sky still eludes our grasp.

In the meantime, you can learn the acrobatic feats of Trapeze Arts right here in the Valley with Richie Gaona, a 4th generation trapeze artist located in Woodland Hills who has been swinging through the air as he pleases since he was 5 years old. No reason to be scared, by the way, as the worst injury they’ve had at the school is rope burn.

Stumped for a holiday gift? This very well could be the perfect solution for the person who has everything.

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WHAT: Richie Gaona Flying Trapeze School
WHEN: Semi-private classes are Mon & Fri – 11am & 1pm. Call for class reservations (818) 710-8191
WHERE: 5702 Lubao Ave, Woodland Hills, CA
$$$: 90 minute classes are $50 a session

The Getty observes World AIDS Day tomorrow. As a symbolic representation of the loss caused by the AIDS epidemic an Ancient Greek statue will be shrouded for the day. Continue your reflection by creating a card to hang on the memory trees that will be at the museum. If you get your free ticket in advance, you can also see Gallery or Garden talks.

To reserve your free tickets for the day, go to the event’s site and click on the Book Tickets link. Don’t show up without reservations–you need them to get into the Getty Villa.

Even if you can’t make it to Malibu, please don’t forget World AIDS Day entirely — 33.2 million people are currently living with AIDS worldwide. Go to The Foundation for AIDS Research to help out with their 20/20 Vision for a World Without AIDS. Or volunteer some of your time with one of the great organizations in Los Angeles dedicated to combatting the virus. AIDS Project Los Angeles and The Elizabeth Glazer Pediatric AIDS Foundation, and Project Angel Food are all great places to start.

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WHAT: Day Without Art at the Getty Villa

WHEN: Monday, December 1 10AM-6PM

WHERE: Getty Villa, 17985 Pacific Coast Highway

$$$: Free with advance tickets

Every Tuesday, Phillip Dane (The Fairfax High School Flea Market, South Park Artisans Market, Peddler on the Roof) puts on a farmers’ market in Sherman Oaks called the Woodman Ave Market. It’s in the parking lot of Westfield Fashion Square from 3-8pm, which is nice because most farmers’ markets end ridiculously early. It’s free admission and free parking, and there’s local artisans and live music.

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WHAT: Woodman Ave Farmers’ Market
WHEN: Every Tuesday, 3-8pm
WHERE: 14006 Riverside Dr., Sherman Oaks
$: free

Midnight Ridazz, the super awesome night-riding bicycle group, is having a special “ride for the dead” on Saturday. Cyclists should meet at Echo park lake in front of the paddle boats at 9pm, and will get to ridin’ by 10pm. You best come prepared though- dress for Un Dia de Los Muertos, paint your face, and bring “tools, tubes, lights, candles, and your living dead presence.” Perhaps a skull-embossed helmet to protect your dome-piece?

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WHAT: Day of the dead nighttime bike ride
WHEN: Sat, Nov. 1st, 9pm
WHERE: meet at Echo Park lake