Have you always wanted to be famous, but know you don’t have what it takes to become a star (i.e. a sex tape where Ray-J pees on you?) Fear not — because on April 24th, we’re all getting famous. No, this does not involve guns, put those down. STOP THAT.

Full disclosure: I’m one of the guys throwing this event. Now here’s how it works: we meet at noon in front of the WME building, where we run a winding, three-mile obstacle course through Beverly Hills. Hidden throughout the course will be packs of photographers. Your goal is to make it to the finish line without them getting a picture of your full face.

Scattered along the way will be hidden caches of “identity concealers”, i.e. low-brimmed hats and those sunglasses that put a black bar over your eyes. (We were going to offer ski masks, and then remembered ski masks + sprinting through Beverly Hills in broad daylight = “Officer, these cuffs are too tight.”)

Got a camera and the ability to be sneaky? We want you. Got a pair of running shoes and a well-developed flight sensibility? We want you. (Costumes are also encouraged.) The race starts at noon, but paparazzi are required to show up at 11 AM so we can get you vultures in your respective hiding places.

Afterward, in a stirring tribute to something that would totally happen in real life, the celebrities and the paparazzi will meet up for a beer at the Writer’s Bar in the L’Ermitage Hotel.

Be sure to RSVP for the event on Facebook.

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WHAT: Celebrities Vs. Paparazzi footrace
WHEN: April 24th, noon-1 PM (Paparazzi to meet at 11 AM)
WHERE: Starting at the WME building
$$$: Free

This Friday for Cinefamily Silent Theater’s Comedy Death Ray feature, Patton Oswalt presents God Told Me To. Larry Cohen directed this 1976 detective story that is sure to entertain the pants off of you. Though he’s never seen the film, Patton Oswalt chose to screen it, because Andy Kaufman has a scene where he goes on a shooting rampage. I’m sold. Before the screening, Oswalt will show various clips from films that he likes or is in. It’s up to him! Buy tickets here. If you’re super comfy in your seat, and you have some money to spare, stick around Cinefamily for the Far East Funnies screening of Zebraman, Director Takashi Miike’s 2004 film about a want to be super-hero turned real-super hero when he realizes that the stories from his comic book are warnings about an alien invasion. Buy tickets here.
Cinefamily has a really cool program, and you can become a member to get discounts, guest tickets, popcorn, and a neat member card. If you want to make an afternoon of it, there’s a huge Good Will Donation Center around the corner (on Beverly), Family Books has some cool art books and literature (across the street from Cinefamily), there are at least a couple galleries down Fairfax to check out, and, of course, the delicious Canter’s Deli (near Beverly, open 24 hours). Cinefamily has some great film screenings coming up that should do their part to motivate you to visit this part of LA. Check out their calendar.
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WHAT: Cinefamily Comedy Death Ray with Patton Oswalt and Zebraman
WHEN: Friday, June 19th at 8pm and 12am, respectively
WHERE: Cinefamily Silent Theater
$$$: $14 for God, $10 for members. $10 for Zebraman

Ever heard the expression, there are no more new frontiers?  Well don’t let that sentiment fool you — there is plenty yet to be discovered, explored, and created, and you can be a part of it in the expanding frontier of Los Angeles.  Heard of Elephants (HoE), a progressive art and music collective based in our dear city, is back at the Unknown Theater to push past fences of convention with a new theme and a new lineup.  This Friday get ready for performances by Pride of Kenya, The Nocturnes, and Voice on Tape.  Special guest performer Rory Vallis will join the cavalry for the evening.  Of course there will be art on display, art given away in raffles ($2 a ticket – well worth the donation), and free beer! These nights are always full of good times, good people, new music, and something unexpected.
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WHAT: Heard of Elephants presents: New Frontiers
WHEN: Friday March 27th at 10:30
WHERE: Unknown Theater
$$$: 5 donation (but free free free beer)

Holy shit this sounds insane:

For this Mondo mix night, we’ve set our sites on the most inane and insane action films from around the world, compacted the trash, and served it up as a mashup night of raging vengeance and savage beatdowns. Gonzo action is the order of the day, so come check out the most overheated trailers we could find, the wackiest car chases, the silliest fight scenes, the most meatheaded catch-phrases, over-Foley’d bone breaks, and the angriest white men we could find! Exploding balls of fire will be outrun! Bad guys will spray endless bullets without hitting our hero! You will have a good time! Then, we’ll watch a 35mm print of Lady Terminator–an Indonesian vengeance flick about an anthropologist possessed by an evil spirit armed with a machine gun and a killer snake in her vagina.

I really could not have articulated it as well as they did. This is part of their Overblown Action series. So cuddle up with your significant other, sit back, and enjoy some very gruesome/hilarious entertainment! Oh Cinefamily, you are so special. Too bad I will be out of town or I would definitely be going to this.
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WHAT: Avant-Garde Silent Film Series w/ Live Accompaniment
WHEN: Saturday, March 28th @ 10pm
WHERE: Silent Movie Theatre
$$$: $10