Have you always wanted to be famous, but know you don’t have what it takes to become a star (i.e. a sex tape where Ray-J pees on you?) Fear not — because on April 24th, we’re all getting famous. No, this does not involve guns, put those down. STOP THAT.

Full disclosure: I’m one of the guys throwing this event. Now here’s how it works: we meet at noon in front of the WME building, where we run a winding, three-mile obstacle course through Beverly Hills. Hidden throughout the course will be packs of photographers. Your goal is to make it to the finish line without them getting a picture of your full face.

Scattered along the way will be hidden caches of “identity concealers”, i.e. low-brimmed hats and those sunglasses that put a black bar over your eyes. (We were going to offer ski masks, and then remembered ski masks + sprinting through Beverly Hills in broad daylight = “Officer, these cuffs are too tight.”)

Got a camera and the ability to be sneaky? We want you. Got a pair of running shoes and a well-developed flight sensibility? We want you. (Costumes are also encouraged.) The race starts at noon, but paparazzi are required to show up at 11 AM so we can get you vultures in your respective hiding places.

Afterward, in a stirring tribute to something that would totally happen in real life, the celebrities and the paparazzi will meet up for a beer at the Writer’s Bar in the L’Ermitage Hotel.

Be sure to RSVP for the event on Facebook.

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WHAT: Celebrities Vs. Paparazzi footrace
WHEN: April 24th, noon-1 PM (Paparazzi to meet at 11 AM)
WHERE: Starting at the WME building
$$$: Free

This Friday for Cinefamily Silent Theater’s Comedy Death Ray feature, Patton Oswalt presents God Told Me To. Larry Cohen directed this 1976 detective story that is sure to entertain the pants off of you. Though he’s never seen the film, Patton Oswalt chose to screen it, because Andy Kaufman has a scene where he goes on a shooting rampage. I’m sold. Before the screening, Oswalt will show various clips from films that he likes or is in. It’s up to him! Buy tickets here. If you’re super comfy in your seat, and you have some money to spare, stick around Cinefamily for the Far East Funnies screening of Zebraman, Director Takashi Miike’s 2004 film about a want to be super-hero turned real-super hero when he realizes that the stories from his comic book are warnings about an alien invasion. Buy tickets here.
Cinefamily has a really cool program, and you can become a member to get discounts, guest tickets, popcorn, and a neat member card. If you want to make an afternoon of it, there’s a huge Good Will Donation Center around the corner (on Beverly), Family Books has some cool art books and literature (across the street from Cinefamily), there are at least a couple galleries down Fairfax to check out, and, of course, the delicious Canter’s Deli (near Beverly, open 24 hours). Cinefamily has some great film screenings coming up that should do their part to motivate you to visit this part of LA. Check out their calendar.
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WHAT: Cinefamily Comedy Death Ray with Patton Oswalt and Zebraman
WHEN: Friday, June 19th at 8pm and 12am, respectively
WHERE: Cinefamily Silent Theater
$$$: $14 for God, $10 for members. $10 for Zebraman

It’s the first day of spring so don’t just sit around all day in your house (unless you’re cleaning out your closet). Take advantage of the great weather until the rainstorm comes and ruins everything.

• Get out and see “more porn stars than you can handle” at Adultcon.
• Watch some awesome comedy by some awesome people at Westside Eclectic.
• Head to LACMA for a classic double-feature.
• DANCE PARTY! That’s all that needs to be said.
• Watch three improv groups at the UCB stage, and clap the loudest for Fiasco!
• Partake in a city-wide, one-minute long photo session in Silverlake.
• Attend a mad tea party with all the fixings an Alice and Wonderland-themed party should have!
• Get hot and sweaty in Silverlake at a dance-aerobics-80’s explosion class!
• If you’re thirsty, try Silverlake’s new bar, Barbarella Bar.
• If you’re hungry, head to the valley for delicious food & drinks at Aroma Coffee and Tea.
• If you miss the Royal/T Mad Tea Party, there are still plenty of places to have tea!
• If you’re reeeeally bored this weekend, and still can’t find anything to do, you can always stay in your PJs and look at pictures from our last art show and wish you had been there…

Fiasco!, one of UCB’s top improv groups & 2-month champions of UCB’s weekly Cage Match (plus just so happen to be friends of ours), is performing tonight at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade in their weekly showcase, Let’s Do This! The night is full of fun, with two other teams, Convoy and Fancy Schmancy, working their hardest to make you laugh. Or cry. You really never know with these people. If you enjoy comedy, these teams are sure to please you. So if you are free tonight at 11pm, bring $5, and laugh, laugh, laugh.
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WHAT: Improv Showcase featuring Fiasco!
WHEN: Friday, March 20 @ 11pm
WHERE: Upright Citizen’s Brigade
$$$: $5

It’s another night at Temporary Spaces, part of iSHOWMYSELF’s bimonthly residency, but this time it’s bigger and better. Live performances by White Arrows and Commune, as well as a guest DJ set by Annie Eversz. And as always, iSHOWMYSELF and Sean Patrick will be DJing the rest of the night. It’s a massive party that you don’t want to miss. Plus, the $4 drinks from 9:30-11pm don’t hurt.
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WHAT: Kick w/ iSHOWMYSELF
WHEN: Friday, March 20 @ 9:30pm-2am
WHERE: Temporary Spaces
$$$: Free

Tomorrow night you can hit up LACMA for their Late Hawk double feature series that honors director Howard Hawks while providing you with cheap entertainment.
Some cool information: I just talked to a very kind gentleman at the LACMA box office and he said that the Bing Theater, where these films are to be screened, can hold 600 people, but only 10 tickets have been sold for the screening tomorrow.  I’m sure that far more than 10 people are going to show up, but it’ll be cool to see these classic films on The Big Screen, while still maintaining an element of intamacy.  Anyway:
Howard Hawks 1967 Western El Dorado, starring John Wayne, is the first film of the night, and starts at 7:30.   The sheriff, Robert Mitchum, is a little drunk for most of the film, and there are lots of white guys with guns riding horses.
The second Late Hawk film, Land of the Pharaohs (1955) has a screenplay written in part by William Faulkner, arguably one of the best American authors (I definitely vouch for him, for what it’s worth).  The film focuses on a pharaoh obsessed with life after death.  I’m sure Faulkner mixes it up a bit.  This film begins at 9:45.

The first film is $10, and covers the price of the second film.  It’s $7 if you’re a student.  If you just go to see the second film, maybe go around town and get some beverages before the 9:45 screening, the price of admission is only $5.  Check out the LACMA website for more helpful information about planning your evening.

Hatari! (1962) is playing the next evening at 7:30pm in case you prefer your epics on a Saturday.

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WHAT: Late Hawk double feature at LACMA
WHEN: 7:30pm and 9:45pm on Friday March 20th
WHERE: LACMA’s Bing Theater
$: 10, 7 if you’re a student 5 for just the second film

Friday night at Westside Eclectic promises to bring careening explosions of wanton hilarity with a new show, Comedy Collision. A self-described, “variety show of people that are awesome for awesome people,” the act is holding the same stage as Punk House and other fine acts. You can purchase tickets here for $10 and word on the street is they offer free beer (which may or may not be every performance night).

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WHAT: Comedy Collision (facebook)
WHEN: Friday, March 20 – 10:30pm
WHERE: Westside Eclectic (in the alley between 3rd st and 4th st, south of Arizona)
$: 10

That’s right, Adultcon. It’s a portmanteau of the words “advertisement”, “ultimate”, and “convention”. Jeez, what did you think it was?

Nah, just joshin’, it’s a porn show. And how!

Supposedly the number one adult entertainment expo in the world, the website boasts that there will be “more porn stars than you can handle.” Well gee, I dunno, I can handle my fair share of porn stars, but hey okay! The three day long convention promises to attract the most beautiful stars and their creepiest fans from all over. There will also be booths for the newest innovations in bedroom fun, “cutting edge erotic toys”, and “libido boosting products”.

Now, I’m no porn connoisseur, but I’ll admit to recognizing some of the names from last years show. And perhaps the coolest part: you’re allowed to bring a camera (point-and-shoots and camcorders) to record all the fun! Make your friends jealous and your girlfriend, well, also jealous.

Plus, there are all sorts of promos and giveaways, like if you withdraw cash from an ATM you get a free Pink Visuals Promo DVD (whatever that is… ew?)! And every ticket includes free admission to the nightly “after-party” at the Rio fully-nude gentlemen’s club!

In short, get excited. But not that excited, they’ll kick you out.

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WHAT: Adultcon, the world’s premiere Porn Convention.
WHEN: Friday, Saturday, Sunday March 20th-22nd.
WHERE: Los Angeles Convention Center
$$$: 35 per day, 50 per day VIP (which gets you a t-shirt and bunch of other embarrassing goodies).