Have you always wanted to be famous, but know you don’t have what it takes to become a star (i.e. a sex tape where Ray-J pees on you?) Fear not — because on April 24th, we’re all getting famous. No, this does not involve guns, put those down. STOP THAT.

Full disclosure: I’m one of the guys throwing this event. Now here’s how it works: we meet at noon in front of the WME building, where we run a winding, three-mile obstacle course through Beverly Hills. Hidden throughout the course will be packs of photographers. Your goal is to make it to the finish line without them getting a picture of your full face.

Scattered along the way will be hidden caches of “identity concealers”, i.e. low-brimmed hats and those sunglasses that put a black bar over your eyes. (We were going to offer ski masks, and then remembered ski masks + sprinting through Beverly Hills in broad daylight = “Officer, these cuffs are too tight.”)

Got a camera and the ability to be sneaky? We want you. Got a pair of running shoes and a well-developed flight sensibility? We want you. (Costumes are also encouraged.) The race starts at noon, but paparazzi are required to show up at 11 AM so we can get you vultures in your respective hiding places.

Afterward, in a stirring tribute to something that would totally happen in real life, the celebrities and the paparazzi will meet up for a beer at the Writer’s Bar in the L’Ermitage Hotel.

Be sure to RSVP for the event on Facebook.

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WHAT: Celebrities Vs. Paparazzi footrace
WHEN: April 24th, noon-1 PM (Paparazzi to meet at 11 AM)
WHERE: Starting at the WME building
$$$: Free

This Friday for Cinefamily Silent Theater’s Comedy Death Ray feature, Patton Oswalt presents God Told Me To. Larry Cohen directed this 1976 detective story that is sure to entertain the pants off of you. Though he’s never seen the film, Patton Oswalt chose to screen it, because Andy Kaufman has a scene where he goes on a shooting rampage. I’m sold. Before the screening, Oswalt will show various clips from films that he likes or is in. It’s up to him! Buy tickets here. If you’re super comfy in your seat, and you have some money to spare, stick around Cinefamily for the Far East Funnies screening of Zebraman, Director Takashi Miike’s 2004 film about a want to be super-hero turned real-super hero when he realizes that the stories from his comic book are warnings about an alien invasion. Buy tickets here.
Cinefamily has a really cool program, and you can become a member to get discounts, guest tickets, popcorn, and a neat member card. If you want to make an afternoon of it, there’s a huge Good Will Donation Center around the corner (on Beverly), Family Books has some cool art books and literature (across the street from Cinefamily), there are at least a couple galleries down Fairfax to check out, and, of course, the delicious Canter’s Deli (near Beverly, open 24 hours). Cinefamily has some great film screenings coming up that should do their part to motivate you to visit this part of LA. Check out their calendar.
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WHAT: Cinefamily Comedy Death Ray with Patton Oswalt and Zebraman
WHEN: Friday, June 19th at 8pm and 12am, respectively
WHERE: Cinefamily Silent Theater
$$$: $14 for God, $10 for members. $10 for Zebraman

I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that David Cross is hilarious and will be talking with, an also very funny, Greg Proops (remember Whose Line is it Anyway? Great stuff) tonight.  Also, the good news is that Dave Grohl, amazing drummer from Nirvana and singer/guitar hero of Foo Fighters, who is also probably funny, will be with Mr. Proops and Mr. Cross in the Hills of Beverly this evening.  The bad news is that tickets cost $25 and since it’s tonight, you may not have time to sell cds or clothes or gather money however it is that you gather money (and perhaps I’m being presumptuous and you’d rather just stay at home and watch Lost).  Anyhow, if you’re a big David Cross/ Arrested Development fan, you may want to bite the bullet, and spend $25 to go see the Greg Proops Chat Show tonight (which tours, so this is kind of a big deal that he’s here in LA).

To order tickets call (310) 855-0350.  Leave a message with your name and the date of the show.  Let them know the number of people in your party and your phone number.  The Largo at the Coronet (great name!) website has all this info so hit that up.
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WHAT: Greg Proops Chat Show with David Cross and Dave Grohl
WHEN: Tonight!  Wed March 18th at 9pm, doors at 8pm
WHERE: Largo at the Coronet in the B Hills
$: 25 (gasP)